†Broken-DreamZz†

2007-08-23T00:18:00.000+08:00

Gonna talk about something.. lol.. as SOMEBODY told me to luan luan post.. =P

I FINALLY DID WELL IN ENG!! hahaha.. finally beat noel =P so happy.. lol.. have been sitting beside him.. trying to improve my eng.. lol.. from juz passing or nearly passing grades to 33/50.. well.. he lost to me by 1 mark >< hahaha..

sianzz.z.. fri is practical prelims.. HOW??!?! i haven even remember any of the cations n anions stuff.. zzz... juz can't stuff them in my head.. i'm still reading now.. zzz...

I'm finally motivated to study.. thank you.. =D

2007-06-04T00:21:00.000+08:00

so long nver post aready... zzz... have alot of things to say.. but juz donno how to express myself.. hai... so tired...

happy? sad? i donno.. wats my goal? i oso donno.. i have lost my interest in everything i used to love.. feeling so empty... having sleepless nights.. no motivation to do anything.. this year still have to work hard for tat piece of paper.. every now n den feeling i want to give up n drop out of sch.. zzzz..... i have nver been looked down so much b4..

in the end.. who cares anyway..

2007-02-27T22:58:00.000+08:00

sometimes i really wonder are u juz playing along with me or r u really serious about it.. hai... maybe its juz me? so tired this few days.. have been trying to finish up hw becoz of file checks.. so tired.. msging n msging.. sms goin to exceed very soon de.. lol.. trying to restrain myself from msging too much.. but i'm juz bored.. zzzzz....

last week... sat? went out to celebrate farhan,ck n jiang hao's birthday.. their birthday not on same day.. lol.. 2 is belated 1 is advanced.. went to vivo to eat.. wat an unpleasant incident happened there.. ppl who went there shld know.. =P shall not go into details.. after tat went to orchard too 'see' chingay.. lol.. its lame.. so we juz go around chatting...

2007-02-14T22:40:00.000+08:00

why do i still get so much problems.. i juz want a peaceful life.. i aready don have anything to do with her... why do i get problems linked to her, becoz of her n about her.. i'm so fucking stress.. TELL ME WAT TO DO!!! drop out?? i really don want anything to do with her.. i had enough.. this is the last year.. have to do well for tat stupid cert.. after tat i can break contact with anyone for all i care.. juz give me a peaceful year n end it like tat..

i'll skip every shit tat happened in sch.. gone out to have fun.. eat pizza.. play basketball.. 2nd time i actually like playing it.. den went back to cheng yi's house to play reversi? very long nver play aready.. ever since i changed my phone.. den at night went out to eat.. free meal?!? i was shocked.. not ppl treat.. but on the house.. come home... bath n came online.. more problem came to doorstep.. i shld not have come online.. all of this is crap..

2007-02-04T02:11:00.000+08:00

finally feel like posting.. or got time.. everyday reach home can sleep till the next day aready.. juz tired.. paid attention in class.. but go home with nothing learnt..

fri was juz s**t.. thurs i went home about 7 becoz of remedial.. after dinner i hardly have any rest.. i start on hw.. did till 3am fall asleep.. didn't complete.. go sch.. juz can't think straight.. den got scolded by teacher.. well.. he asked me one qn.. it hit me real hard.. n got me thinking.. why am i in sch.. so i kept thinking... juz find out i'm juz goin to sch for the sake of goin..

after sch.. wanted to get locker key.. but den found out the person whom i'm sharing the locker with went to share with another person.. so wat to do? no money to get one for myself.. queue very long.. so forget it.. darn it.. now i juz don want to go to sch to see their fucking face..

want to do project.. in the end someone juz decides everything n ends it.. so wat does teamwork mean? i wanted to do it properly this time.. i guess its ruined..

everything i want to do on fri went wrong.. nothing went right.. damn it.. now i want to find something to vent all my anger.. can't sleep.. juz feel like exploding.. wanted to talk to someone.. forget it.. its my own fault.. i wanted to take some responsibililty.. i was to weak to let ppl snatch it from me.. i was to slow to remind ppl tat i'm suppose to get tat key.. i didn't do my hw.. i'm weak......

2006-12-21T22:23:00.000+08:00

finally.. get to hunt rats with the cleaner from my workplace.. hahaha.. was cleaning a place.. smelly.. full of shit.. rat shit.. zzz... it was a hidden spot.. it was troubling us for the past few days coz we couldn't find where it is.. lol.. the cleaner gave me a plastic pipe... >< he took the iron one.. the rat was hiding under some box.. it was seriously injured.. the cleaner trapped it b4 n whack it with broom.. he hit till it escaped.. lol.. so we plan where to hit it.. i poke at the rat.. it ran out.. i tried to whack it.. first time.. the pipe break.. nvm.. try again.. whack.. it broke into half.. the half flew up -.- nearly hit one customer.. lol.. den i lazy hit aready.. the cleaner chase it n killed it.. so much blood.. lol.. afte so long.. i lost count on how many he killed.. i still 0 T.T hai...

got new guy came to replace me.. have to teach him everything i know.. lol.. same as every first timers.. he do things very fast.. lol.. we finish doin everything at 1pm.. rot till 4.20.. hai.. i tell him tml must do things very slowly.. hahaha..

At work.. kanna gastric pain.. yet again.. hai... its getting so much worst den b4... drank so much milk today.. lol. must get medicine aready.. hai..

2006-12-13T00:51:00.000+08:00

found a new hobby.. finally!.. oso found a way to spend my salary.. don need to use computer too much le.. its so boring using it..

my work has been gd.. onli been very very sick last week.. mc for 3 days.. still can't really work for more two days.. my supervisor oso chased me home.. very weak.. face so white.. O.O was kinda shock to see tat.. my lips so dry till it tear... hai.. now shld be ok aready... hmm.. maybe.. today when taking test.. my manager still say i look kinda pale.. other den tat.. accompany the cleaner to kill rats.. lol.. we grab poles n whack any rats we see.. i starting donno wat to do.. he violent take mine go stab the rat... he killed about 12 of them aready.. i = 0 ... hai.. he keeps hunting for them.. i have to clear the supplies.. so no time.. the pest control oso useless de.. put trap cannot catch anything de..

put back my old blog.. changed it for fun..

2006-11-22T00:23:00.000+08:00

Today.. this days can't wake up early.. very tired.. ytd course.. quite boring.. front part is something i lazy to learn.. lol.. i wonder why i need to be there.. 2 month n i'm gone.. zzz.. today want to go put the money into the bank.. but.. work till 4.30 den can go.. the bank 4.30 close.. zzz.. den walk half way rain.. stuck at void deck for 30 min.. sit there watch the rain fall.. but when the rain stop.. the clouds above look so nice.. so long nver see clouds so nice le.. haze fault lah.. lol.. den go home bath.. use computer.. till i fall asleep.. lol.. wake up to find ppl talking to me on msn.. lol..

2006-11-18T23:59:00.000+08:00

hai.. today.. quite busy at work.. lol.. clean stuff.. clear the styrofoam ceiling.. rats used it as hiding place.. so have to take out.. i have to help.. got all the things all over me.. zzzz.. so tired..

tml off.. so no work.. lol.. monday go course.. so no work.. lol.. sianzz.. course is 9am to 5pm.. got games somemore O.O tats wat my supervisors told me.. have a great chat with them.. hahaha.. by the time i go back to work my storeman transfer liao.. zzzz.. sianzz.. fell asleep during break time.. hahaha..

2006-11-09T23:15:00.000+08:00

well.. today.. woke up quite early... i actually make it on time to sch.. =D

work.. late for 10min.. hai.. SCH FAULT! lol.. well.. skip... work is the same de.. but today 2 ppl from the same section didn't come.. actually 1 half day.. so i have to help fill in.. zzzz... 1 person do 2 ppl's job.. >< well.. at night.. was stocking up pampers.. i heard one ah ma about 70++ talking to her child about wat size to buy.. i know she's gonna ask me about it.. so i prepare.. looking at her direction.... she did came.. but she call me UNCLE O.O .. i quickly look down don care her liao.. zzzz... den ask about any larger size of the pampers.. zzz.. bring XL to me n ask.. its the largest -.-"..

2006-11-08T23:13:00.000+08:00

Realised i very long nver blog liao.. quite alot of interesting stuff happened.. lol.. not in sch tat is.. lol.. on the way to work.. this week saw an accident.. right in front of me.. very cool though.. >< but no one injured lah.. den... take taxi.. one very interesting taxi driver.. sang to us.. talk to us about how to make ur gf like u even more.. even though u're two timing her.. =\ the best thing is tat.. he doesn't know the way to my destination.. n want me to direct him -.-"

At work.. killing cockroach.. catching mouse.. lol.. now more n more coming out ever since we've found n destroyed their nests.. forget alot of things aready.. but i really sweat alot when working.. lol.. its very warm there.. den today help my supervisor to build the display rack.. lol.. tat thing donno keep in the store for donno how long aready.. inside all cockroaches.. -.- zzz.. have to take the metal things out n throw away the box.. luckily its the correct box.. lol.. or else i donno where to keep le.. =P tml alot of ppl off.. hai.. i'm suppose to help all of them to restock.. T.T die.. busy busy busy..

2006-11-02T01:03:00.000+08:00

Tues..

have to kill a baby rat found in the store during work >< lol.. carry it n dump it in a dustbin outside.. aren't i heartless? lol.. no choice... supervisor's orders.. quite busy tat day.. tearing tags n stuff.. den help to close the place..

wed..

no work.. went to mac to eat with frenz(lazy to list).. lol.. den i went home.. msg a while found out i exceed by 250++ liao.. hai.. 14 more days to go.. must cut down on msging le..

2006-10-31T01:44:00.000+08:00

sianzz... today extended timetable's first day.. zzz... waste my time.. go there first period aready do nothing.. lucky i overslept n went late.. -.- its so boring.. den chem.. i wasn't even listening to wat the teacher is teaching.. after recess is eng.. mr singh teached us.. he teached a new way of looking at comprehension.. found it gd.. den chi.. where there is a confusion.. stupid timetable oso put wrong... zzz.. chi lesson oso waste time.. was juz looking forward to work..

work.. starting nothing much to do.. juz carrying goods n restocking shelves.. den after 7.. when they remove the freezer.. underneath was so dirty.. the dust n rubbish pile so high.. the cleaner hit one of the pile.. hundreds of cockroaches quicky swarm the corner of the wall.. everyone went to get the pesticide.. i empty mine.. lol.. den the place was all foggy n it stink.. my supervisor gave me another.. i spray a bit den lazy to use.. i step the cockroaches.. found it faster den spraying at it.. spraying oso useless.. they won't die -.- .. after tat we clean up the place.. found holes in the wall.. i went off.. the time i came back.. there is rubbish covering the hole.. the security guard says it the rats tat does tat.. lol.. den i saw something moving.. pushing more rubbish out.. lol.. den i went home aready.. it was aready 10pm..

2006-10-27T23:15:00.000+08:00

today is a great day! started work at 8am.. work up at 6am.. den found myself waiting for wj at the bus stop for 20min.. it isn't tat gd at the start.. when the working hours start.. i started to like working after all.. everyone juz greet the staffs.. first time see this kind of thing... it isn't tat bad..

work started.. shifting boxes n stuff.. re stocking.. pushing things around.. it really occupied my mind.. lots of things to learn.. in between there are chats.. lol.. they are humorous.. especially one uncle, he's a joker. lol.. he asked for my name.. when i told him... he said it was too hard to remember.. den he gave me a christian name -.- .. after tat.. i watched him catch rats in the store room.. one rat juz happen to stick onto the trap thing.. he picked it up n went to scare the female staffs in the room.. lol.. the sight was funny.. but he is transfering soon.. hai.. lol.. den when i was knocking off.. another auntie was talking to me about life.. hahaha.. den went to find wj n qh in another department.. zzz.. have to wait extra longer.. they knock off later den me.. lol.. anyway.. i'm still looking forward to tml's day at work.. HAHAHA

SAVE ME...

2006-10-26T23:14:00.000+08:00

Darn it.. today another boring day.. hai... go sch.. although nver teach anything.. but the performance are very very boring... waste time again. sit till my leg cramp.. zzzzz... its onli after 11am den it started to get betta..

after sch.. at 12pm.. we requested to leave early since our class is clean.. =P lol.. rush home to change n went off to work.. lol.. was kinda excited n full of energy.. got there early.. den talk alot with the boss.. he's friendly ^^ den i went off to work.. didn't do much.. onli help to stock up a little.. den slack off all the way.. theres really nothing to do!! den i was getting sleepy.. walking around the same place over n over again till my dinner break.. lol.. after tat one hour.. its back to walking.. juz patrolling around.. help some aunties find their things.. hai.. boredom.. the staffs there oso tell me to do slowly.. coz they scared they can't find anything for me to do -.-" lol.. den walk till 9.30pm den got one staff ask me to help pack up the things.. i left a bit early den i was suppose to.. ^^ now juz resting my feet.. tml morning shift.. shld more busy den today.. lol.. hope so..

2006-10-25T22:48:00.000+08:00

Tues

was cleaning my house for the entire day... shifting the cupboards around.. throwing away things.. it was so tiring... den injured myself >< lol.. careless... didn't see tat sharp thing.. hahaha.. den i still can ignore n continue doin..

Today

went for job interview.. luckily he didn't mind we late.. lol.. he didn't even ask.. well.. tml can start liao.. but it ends at 10.. hai.. can't watch tv le.. tml very exciting somemore leh! sianzz.. nvm.. got ppl update me.. lol.. getting a job oso can help me stop msging too much.. hahaha.. msging more n more le.. sianzz.. its not goin down.. hahaha.. tml go sch.. hai.. donno do wat.. sch has been wasting my time.. lol.. go there do nothing most of the time.. zzzz....

2006-10-22T14:08:00.000+08:00

last night was very fun ^^ hahaha,... but i still thinking why am i there.. lol.. it was quiet at the start.. but thx to someone.. lol... scratch mark still there.. lol. =P, send them home.. wait for the last bus.. got home around 12.30am... msg a while den fall asleep le.. hahaha..

2006-10-19T22:15:00.000+08:00

Today.. sch.. was as boring as monday -.- wonder why are we there... waste time..

after sch went to bugis.. for 15min? eat sushi n left.. lol.. den go jp to watch Death Note.. nice movie.. can't wait for the 2nd part.. anyone watching must.. MUST wait for the credit part to end.. there is trailer for 2nd part.. lol.. won't go into detail wat the movie is about.. don want to be a spoiler XD ... want to know? go watch urself.. lol

after tat.. i juz went home? no money.. lets see how am i goin to last thru tml with no money T.T
hai.. forget to tell my father.. den he went for work liao.. nvm i come home cook mee.. lol..

sianzzz tml.. another boring day.. how do i live thru everyday like this???? T.T
MSG ME!! hahaha.. aready 280++ le? in like 4 days.. hai.. really must control..

2006-10-16T01:56:00.000+08:00

Sianzz.. later have to go sch.. very lazy.. have been waking up very very late this few days.. lol.. 12pm? today i woke up at 1pm -.- lol.. thx u all for the compliments.. i got nothing to put at the front.. hahaha.. so anyhow put for the time being.. lol.. WAT TO DO LATER AT SCH!??!!? sianzz.. if we all juz do not need to go to sch liao.. i would be working right now... hai.. losing motivation to work le.. lol.. want to play... got to sleep le.. 1.53am.. lol.. goin to sleep in class again.. hahaha..

2006-10-13T21:49:00.000+08:00

WED

went to kbox.. lol.. first time go.. we go in directly sing liao.. lol.. sing alot of songs.. but i nver sing any.. alot of chinese songs.. den it was time to bring in the cake.. we sing birthday song for arif n qing hao.. WJ LOUSY SIA! he actually missed n hit the wall instead.. den the cake drop hit my bag -_-"
den ask the kbox ppl help us take photo.. it was fun there bah.. lol

den watch movie time.. watched world trade center.. didn't want to watch.. well.. majority want to watch.. ITS SO BORING! got ppl sleep during the movie.. lol.. well.. movie finish den go imm buy sushi.. eat liao go home.. sianzz.. at home got chicken to eat.. lol..

THURS

made this blog.. lol.. want it to look more complicated den b4.. the old one look so plain.. so how??
but no matter wat.. i like this one ^^

Tml.. wat to do? where to go? i oso donno... hai...

2006-10-10T22:01:00.000+08:00

lets see... is my blog dead? lol..

last week n lvls.. i did ok? lol.. can promote can le.. den came stupid haze.. fell sick during fri.. still went for outing.. went home around 11.30pm.. lol.. fun.. enjoyed my time ^^ lol

well went home le.. sleep too late.. my flu n sore throat got worst.. den have to lie in bed for 2 days.. turn down alot of meeting.. lol.. wasted alot of tissue.. stupid haze..

tml goin out.. lol.. hope its gonna be fun.. hahaha..

2006-09-19T21:49:00.000+08:00

Well.. got back my prelim results yesterday.. almost failed everything..

math- 70/100

physics- 25.5/50

geog-49/100

EL paper 1 - 32/60

EL paper 2 - 40/80

Best of all
lit- 2/50

Chem tml den get back.. well.. i know i'll fail it.. nver really studied for anything during the sept holidays.. now less den 2 weeks for N lvl.. lets see.. how am i goin to get thru tat.. sianzz.. think of it makes me tired n sleepy.. ws piling again.. hai.. boring boring boring...

How does happiness feels like...

Can i really change to be a happy person?

it seems impossible...

2006-09-11T20:39:00.000+08:00

hmmm... today math test.. surprisingly.. it was easy.. lol..

after test went to ivan's house.. he take his guitar.. den go wj house.. juz to play guitar.. lol.. recorded one song by ivan.. but too bad he want me to delete.. very funny de ^^ he keep singing it.. den wj's mother keep wanting to on the fan.. but no space for the plug.. lol.. den we saw rou rou (wonder correct or not) lol.. she SINGS.. cute.. lol..

after tat i went home to take the library book to return.. give wj some physics notes.. forget to take back,... sianzz.. den went to library..

on the way there.. saw my pri sch fren( rui ying).. first time talk to her.. lol... so long somemore.. well.. finally got her number.. onli see her like 4 times.. but after reading her blog... i wonder how many times she saw me.. lol..

well.. after returning the book.. went to mac to 'study'.. i got bored... so juz keep talking to ppl.. lol.. but after cheng yi left.. we decided to try some experiment.. lol.. it was fun.. but waste alot of money.. lol.. I WANT IT TO BURST!! sianzz...

WHY MSN CANNOT LOG IN!?!?!?!?

Can i really get thru it?

2006-09-06T00:50:00.000+08:00

hai~... no hope liao.. i deserve it anyway..

hope u did well for ur N level ^^

2006-08-19T00:25:00.000+08:00

Another day passes by, and still no change in sight
I question what my life is for, scared of the answer
I lock myself away from you, no one will ever know
And all you see is just a cover for the pain inside
Save me, there's nothing left of me, now
Bring me down
There's nothing left of me
Now I'm falling faster
I can't escape
What's this thing that they call love
I still dont know how it feels
So full of scars I can't let go
It hurts to think it's all real
I'll wait for another tomorrow
In hopes this all will heal
I can't escape it
It brings me down
So I, hide away, where no one can see the pain inside
Will it end, will it ever end

2006-08-19T00:05:00.000+08:00

i give up.... this sucks..

Putting my life on the line to make me feel right...

2006-08-15T01:47:00.000+08:00

Nothing much to post this days.. don wanna post about the carnival.. go read it from other ppl.. i nver exactly had fun there.. i juz sit n waste time away.. i onli spent $4 n gave the rest away.. den went to play soccer..

den today came home juz spend time watching anime.. nothing to do.. lazy to study..

juz working my way to fulfill my final wish...

2006-08-09T02:49:00.000+08:00

Hmm... first time made a blog myself.. so... its juz a simple one >< slipshot work.. lol.. must thank wj.. he teach me how to do de.. today is wj's birthday(8/8) well.. ndp at first.. boring lah.. wanted to slack at toilet area.. but mr sim come.. so we go carpark walk.. mrs terrence's car drove pass... -_- so no choice.. have to go back hall.. well...

after ndp celebration.. went to marina square.. for seoul garden.. eat n eat non-stop.. farhan n arif still take one mountain of meat come.. in the end no one can still eat.. so they have to eat.. lol.. well.. played a game.. oso donno call wat.. but guess number de.. guess the number out got penalty.. the penalty oso doesn't taste tat bad.. lol.. some mixture ppl made.. oso got ppl drink till sick XD

after tat we went to watch movie.. actually wanted to watch tokyo drift... but someone came late.. lol.. donno where is marina square.. so we actually wanted to watch at 7.20.. or 7.. but someone oso cannot make it.. hai.. so watch dragon tiger gate.. its nice.. lots of cool effects.. lol..

A pleasant nightmare...

sorry joelle.. can't help out much.. i really donno wat to say.. hope u feel betta ^^

2006-08-06T00:25:00.000+08:00

hai.. sianzzz... nowadays like nothing much happening.. very boring..

yesterday pe.. wanted to slack.. but got drag into a team which wants to challenge each other so badly.. my leg injury act up again somemore.. hai.. den went to play soccer after sch oso.. lol.. can't run.. so juz walk to catch the ball.. after tat i juz went home to sleep..

today.. the same old routine every sat.. wake up.. brush teeth.. eat breakfast.. slack.. play ps.... but i have to carry stuff downstairs.. hai.. stairs again.. but this time with injured leg.. sianzz.. have to 'ren'! den got home.. juz slack all the way till now lor.. suddenly no appetite nowadays... sianzz.. tats y my gastric pain is getting more n more serious.. recess no appetite.. den at lessons gastric pain.. hai.. nvm lor.. if too serious juz hospitalised.. ^^

kk... have to get my study mood back on liao..

2006-08-02T23:17:00.000+08:00

today is totally crap... have to apologise for some bullshit tat no one did... go ask the dustbin to apologise to u oso lah.. or maybe u're so scared to even go near it.. theres nothing to blame except for ur own ego! u say u saw us closing window.. even if u did.. open n tell us lah.. can't u knock? or are u so scared tat u might bruise ur small hands *pui~* so... from yesterday.. its her fault.. den today it became our fault again.. well i guess according to sch rules sleeping in class = forbidden and closing doors n windows = forbidden.. so wat shit can we do in this sch? well.. den ask us to apologise to her.. somemore need to line up n apologise one by one.. its gone too freakin far.. in the end got forced by DM to apologise.. all crap.. den now tat teacher want to be strict.. wat nver do hw give demerit point.. give lah.. who gives a damn.. i ain't doin..

Tml still got remedial.. 2hr 30min.. its so fucking long! waste of my time.. go there do peer marking.. wats the point.. like this call remedial.. shld change name call it peer marking hour.. i really don find it useful.. its onli give answer n den mark..

Ur face makes me puke..

2006-07-31T22:06:00.000+08:00

now i understand why ppl say don keep too much things in ur heart.. coz there is an after effect.. don plan to say it.. but its nasty.. hai.. lets juz hope it won't get anymore serious tat i have to see doctor.. as for today's hw? hai.. can't do it when enduring it.. its too much to bear.. hai.. faster fade plz...

Good luck to me...

2006-07-30T23:01:00.000+08:00

Friends are a burden... u have to make the other person feel superior by making urself inferior..

u have to make the other person feel right all the time even though they're wrong..

u have to suck up to the other person to be in their gd books?

so...is there ever a true friendship tat really exist?

I make myself to be wat i want, i say wat i like n do wat i love.. there is no option for u to interfere...

2006-07-29T21:34:00.000+08:00

Lets juz say tat its not my problem anymore.. i oso can't do anything.. think wat u like.. i know its childish tats y i nver talk to u about it..

So sleepy.. but i still have to study.. wat to do? juz have to force myself den..

2006-07-27T22:58:00.000+08:00

let me say it once n for all.. i'm not gonna change.. its like why change for the betta when nothing is becoming gd? i rather let myself plunge further... frens or no frens.. its equally lonely.. den why bother to have frenz in the first place.. tats why i say.. juz let me die.. it ain't gonna affect u nor anyone else.. i'm the one who's dying not anyone of u.. i do not need ur concern.. i want to cut.. juz let me cut.. even if i bleed to death its my own problem.. i'm looking forward to it anyway.. den i do not need to face hypocrites... which seems to be the trend this days..

lol i find it weird tat u say tat i donno u as if u know me very well.. u don even know wats goin on n wat am i thinking... i onli told him wat happened n how i feel.. he's the one who thinks he knows u very well.. get ur facts right.. n erm.. i'm juz agreeing to wat they say.. not believing them.. it isn't becoz the bad points are more interesting.. its how ppl say it n taking note of wat to see if its true or not.. i oso know its hard to forgive ppl.. n hard to trust ppl.. maybe i'm juz too dumb to trust u in the first place.. n i'm not making this thing big either.. its too dumb to make it big.. no one would really bother in the first place.. did i really talk bad about u behind ur back? u really don get wats goin on do u? i aready don bother about this stupid thing.. its over.. u're the one who's bringing it up day after day on ur blog.. i'm juz replying to wat u're saying.. n its like wrong? who bothers to argue with u.. in the end u'll be saying its my fault at ur blog anyway... i was juz trying to get to my class.. n ur fat ass is blocking my way.. maybe next time i shld take another route where there is no hoggers hogging the way.. maybe i shld give in n let it end with everything is my fault..

Ain't gonna let u ruin my days ahead.. tml have to celebrate fren's birthday.. got ur presents today.. kinda rushing too.. lol.. lucky today no remedial.. or i can't buy le..

Ppl say tat frenz in secondary sch frenz are ur frenz for life.. i'm starting to doubt tat..

2006-07-26T22:13:00.000+08:00

well.. now i know there's so many type of ppl on this world.. ppl who can say they forgive u, but their heart are stabbing u all the way in the dark.. juz acting to be a gd fren.. in fact they're juz friends in name.. from this few months i can see wat type of frenz are true n which are not.. so i can say I DON NEED U coz i am pretty happy with the number of frenz i have.. in fact the smaller the betta... so i can meet less ppl like u.. maybe this is the cost of wanting to make frenz in the first place.. i'm starting to agree to wat most ppl say about u.. mostly were true from the start..

Juz keep blaming as though i'm the one onli at fault.. i don mind.. i myself know wat the hell is goin on is enough, although i do not have a clear mindset, but i do know i have a clear view on wat kind a person are u.... so juz keep blaming.. get everyone to ur side n tell them to point a finger at me n say tat i'm the culprit n u're the victim.. i don care.. i aready know this stupid friendship will end this way.. its aready over when i've given up on patching it up.. it aready seem hopeless when u don even give shit about it at the start..

When u can't solve the problem..let it go, don let the stupid problem tie u down...

2006-07-26T02:11:00.000+08:00

lets see.. first thing.. i did try to talk to u.. u nver notice.. for 1 month i talk to u, nver once there was a reply.. so wats the point of talking when there is no reply? ok.. if u do reply.. its always very cold.. after tat no more reply.. so who am i talking to? myself? u want to scream den scream lah.. talk so much bullshit.. n oh yeah.. u talk so much about me not sparing a thought about u.. wat about u for me? u talk to me.. saying wat the hell is wrong.. in the end u blame urself.. n leave.. so.. next.. who do i reply to? plz lah.. want to talk oso talk properly can or not.. lets see.. if u're gonna read this.. u'll be blaming urself again right? den u'll be sad... all the crap... n erm... don talk about temper.. i've endured ur bullshit for so long n nver talk about it.. its really sickening.. n oh yeah.. i'm not cutting myself for u.. coz its like not worth it.. but i can say it starts from u.. so thx for the new habit u gave me.. i really love it.. good day to me? i guess u juz ruined it.. so.. thx for tat as well..

Lets juz say i'm the one at fault n u're the victim,
i screw up ur life while u're trying to help,
i'm an inconsiderate person while u're nice?
i nver spare a thought for others while u do,
so wat u're trying to say tat its all my fault isn't it?

2006-07-24T23:00:00.000+08:00

I see tat some ppl juz don do wat they say.. u promised n swear, but u have juz did otherwise.. but i'm juz gonna continue to hate.. this grudge in me will not end.. everytime u open up ur mouth, onli lies spew out.. i donno why i trusted u so much in the past. its juz my stupidity or am i juz out of my mind.. friends with u is juz plain bullshit.. i've nver feel like i'm ur friend b4.. i've nver feel important b4.. i feel nothing at all.. talking to u is like a challenge.. its juz getter harder n harder.. everytime it gets harder.. my hatred grows further..

I HATE U!!!

2006-07-20T22:06:00.000+08:00

Sianzz.. wonder why tat old feeling keep coming back.. won't be surprise to see myself bleed again.. hai.. want to study oso cannot.. spoiler..

and erm.. ivan.. don be sad. i oso have tat happened to me.. my father knew he was having a critical condition.. i was worrying about my end of year instead of him.. den i didn't even get to talk to him.. n he left.. it was when i reached the airport of malaysia.. so.. u know.. pull urself together.. i oso know i'm not the person to tell u all this.. coz i'm oso having this problem.. don say frenz.. teachers oso think i'm having depression.. well.. i don care lah.. have or don have same thing.. life still have to goes on.. tats the boring part.. hai.. u've got more frenz to cheer u up den me.. so thank them!! n pull urself together as soon as possible!! wanna see u happy again..

My heart is dead.. onli hatred run through my veins...

2006-07-18T02:16:00.000+08:00

Sianzz.. today fell asleep during test.. but manage to quickly finish it n sleep for 30min.. lol.. so tired..

sianzz.. can't seem to study n have so much hw to do.. very lazy to even touch them.. hai..

Bleeding for pleasure, fun n joy...

2006-07-16T01:41:00.000+08:00

ONCE AGAIN I MADE A MISTAKE.... SOMETIMES FRIENDS ARE NOT WORTH HAVING... IF U THINK I'M TRYING TO BEFRIEND U BECOZ I GOT NO FRENZ... FUCK U!! FUCK U!!!!! DON WANT TO WASTE UR MONEY.. FUCK U ASSHOLE!! I DON NEED UR FUCKING FRIENDSHIP.. SHIT U FUCK BASTARD! I'LL TELL U STRAIGHT IN THE FACE!! I FEEL LIKE SPITTING ON U.. I DON NEED UR SYMPATHY! I BEFRIEND U IS BECOZ ITS BETTA TO HAVE FRIENDS DEN ENEMY.. SINCE U DON WANT IT... FINE!! FUCKING ASSHOLE!! I'LL HATE U TO THE CORE! SHITFACE! MAYBE U SHLD START BY APPRECIATING.. 5 SHOW CONCERN FOR U, U SHLD FEEL FUCKING HAPPY ABOUT IT AREADY.. WHEN I HAD READ UR BLOG.. I FELT HAPPY ABOUT MY DECISION FOR NOT TELLING U MY PROBLEMS U FUCKER!! I DON FEEL HELPLESS AT ALL U FUCKING CHIBAI! ITS THX TO HER N SOME FRIENDS TAT HAD ENCOURAGED ME TO PICK MYSELF UP.. U HAVE NO PART IN IT.. U'RE JUZ MAKING THINGS WORST BY ARGUING OVER HER.. U OSO DONNO WAT WAS THE SITUATION WAS LIKE DEN.. WAT MAKES U HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO TALK ABOUT IT!! AND ON TOP OF TAT.. IT ISN'T ME WHO QUARRELLED WITH U OVER TAT GIRL!! ITS U WHO WANTED IT FUCKFACE!! U WANTED ME TO SMS N TALK TO U MORE!! ITS U WHO WANT TO CONTROLL ME! U AIN'T MY FATHER U GET TAT??!?! U DON HAVE THE RIGHT TO CONTROL ME!! ITS MY LIFE!! I CHOOSE WHO TO TALK TO!! NOT U WHO MAKE THE CHOICE OF WHO AM I GONNA SPEAK TO, U BASTARD! NOW I JUZ HOPE U'RE READING THIS... COZ I'M FUCKING PISSED OFF N DISAPPOINTED WITH U!! TO END THIS.. I GOT TWO WORDS FOR U.. FUCK U!!

Thx ms shyam for spending ur time with me even though u're sick.. talking to me about study plan.. thx u.. i'll surely do well to prove tat bastard wrong n to show myself i can do it..

2006-07-10T21:25:00.000+08:00

hai.. sianzz.. N level oral.. i mumble alot.. oso choked.. well.. other den tat all went fine.. onli blurt one singlish word >< hope she didn't hear it..

didn't know u all wait up for me till my oral ended.. lol.. still cannot believe u all waited.. thx thx.. at least i'm not bored on the way home.. lol..

I muz have happy thoughts.. positive(+) thinking!!

2006-07-06T01:33:00.000+08:00

sianzz.. waiting for world cup.. nothing to do.. so juz blog something.. lol..

well.. school starts with tons of hw dump at us.. sianzz.. den mock tests?? how to study with so many hw.. so to complete hw or to study first? i decided to do none of them.. having headaches everyday.. sianzz.. how to study... hai.. N level oso.. stupid things.. its juz more stress piling on top of each other.. hai.. any tips on how to study?? i keep forgetting wat i read.. lol.. den later mock exam is on ss.. she expects 100% passes.. which is impossible when i can't remember the things to learn.. hai.. failed my math aready.. eng still donno..

If i can turn back the clock.. i would choose not to be born..

2006-07-02T23:22:00.000+08:00

sianzz.... sianzzz... sianzzz.... hai..

2006-06-19T00:23:00.000+08:00

Fulfilling a Request ^^

7 random facts about me-
-Loves to sleep...
-very blur
-ignorant
-quiet
-hates to study
-loves computer games
-Lazy!!

7 things that scares me-
-Books..
-school..
-death of ppl around me
-computer break down
-liking someone
-exams
-Goin to popular with my father..

7 random songs at the moment-
-Devil cry- Coal chamber
-Sweet dreams - marilyn manson
-the fight song - marilyn manson
-killin me - drowning pool
-Give it all - Rise against
-Forget - Drowning pool
- when darkness falls - killswitch engage

7 things i like most-
-Computer games!
-watch tv
-staying up late at night
-sleep
-chattin online.. (although no one chats with me.. lol)
-sms-ing
-listen to music

7 people i want to do this
-Regina
-yan ping
-ck
-farhan
-ivan
-wei jie
-

Hmm.. anything happened recently? have.. but prefer not to tell.. lol.. well.. happy things n sad things.. i'll share the happy things when sch re opens... hope she'll be fine.. hai.. tml goin to hospital to see her..

can't wait to see her again ^^

2006-06-08T01:07:00.000+08:00

Am I loud and clear, or am I breaking up?
Am I still your charm, or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost?

Can't do anything but sigh to the situation... hai...

2006-05-31T21:56:00.000+08:00

hai.. sianzz.. today.. eng remedial..i went late.. wanted to leave home early.. but i was hooked to a game.. lol.. well.. was late yesterday as well.. when i was on the bus.. i met qing hao.. well.. at least he's late with me.. den i got hungry.. i went to eat.. den i'm as late as yesterday.. well.. half way up.. qing hao stomach ache.. helped him to guard the door.. lol.. all the toilet doors are spoilt.. onli left one.. den went up to class at 8.40.. den i oso nver do her hw.. well.. in the end she say tat those not interested can don't come.. den got ppl who didn't come.. so she says those nver come won't go scotfree -_- well.. after eng remedial end (9.30) art remedial was at 11.30.. no one wanted to wait.. so all art students pon art.. again.. lol.. yesterday i pon.. thought no one pon.. den sms everyone.. in the end they oso got pon.. got home early.. played games.. study chem.. n did a bit of eng.. the rest now den do.. lol.. but i'm getting sleepy.. sianzz...

came across ur blog.. somehow the thing u post.. let me think tat it was me.. well.. i oso have my own difficulties.. tats y i'm doin this.. u think u have no friends to talk to? i doubt so.. so many ppl are listening to ur problems.. so many ppl care about u, i oso asked ppl to take care of u.. but i donno wat happened to u.. u seem troubled everytime.. n i was always waiting for ppl to tell me their problems.. yet none came.. so i juz don care about it.. i know i can't be the one who ppl muz tell their problem to.. but at least let me know when u are sad.. down.. or angry.. well.. oso nothing came.. i guess i'm not the right person to talk to.. or maybe juz not trusted at all... so this is the reason why i adopted a new habit of cutting myself.. i was thinking too much.. it was fun anyway.. well.. den ppl juz think i'm nuts.. or i have nothing betta to do.. tats fine with me.. ppl oso force me to say wat i'm depressed about.. when i've got nothing to say at all.. in the end.. no one bothers to talk to me anymore.. well.. tat makes coming online kinda pointless.. den in sch.. left out.. den slowly it gets to me tat i'm an extra? or juz a dog following behind everyone.. well.. being lonely is juz something tat i face everyday at home.. hai.. nvm.. do wat u want.. i oso don care anymore.. i'm oso losing alot of friends.. getting tired of trying to win back their heart.. they might juz find me irritating in the end... so i guess i shldn't even take N level this year.. juz pack my bag n leave sch for the sake of seeing ppl happier..

Endless torment..

2006-05-29T21:28:00.000+08:00

well.. today remedial.. haizz.. well.. nothing much to do oso.. so i slept thru art remedial.. den did some drawing at the end.. coz i have to.. lol.. well.. cheng yi,ck,pearlyn helped me to organised the things den let me draw.. lol.. thx.. well.. den it isn't my drawing anymore.. hahaha.. i was too sleepy to do anything else.. after tat was eng remedial.. didn't have break.. wanted to eat.. nvm.. but eng oso nver do anything much.. juz talk.. well.. i oso fell asleep at the end.. slept too late yesterday...

well.. didn't came online yesterday.. sorry regina ><.. lol.. my father want me to study.. becoz of the parent meeting session.. sianzz.. but i used the computer at 10++.. played game till 1am den i came online..

hai.. sianzz.. feeling confused about some things.. still upset about some things.. but i don feel like telling anyone.. i oso know wat they'll say anyway.. its always the same thing.. hai.. ppl do change so suddenly when they know something's wrong with u..

i don feel like socialising with ppl anymore le.. rather be strangers to everyone n break the friendship bonds.. juz feel tat way for most of the ppl..

Its tearing me apart at the seams... all my shattered hopes n long dead dreams...

2006-05-26T23:27:00.000+08:00

hai.. today McRitchie... well.. morning not alot of ppl on the bus.. gd lor.. can sit down.. was thinking if i shld run.. with my injured leg n health conditions.. well reached there.. did alot of stretching n warming up.. did a trial run to see if i could run with my injured leg.. i could run.. surprisingly... den when walking my leg juz weakens.. hai.. don care juz run anyway.. was quite confident i could win something this year.. den saw mei ping.. lol.. she got 40th position.. she said she fell down.. n walked alot.. but still can get 40th.. sianzz..den my run goin to start le..sianzz at the start of the run.. left side got stitch.. den both side -_-.. in the end finally out to the road.. gastric pain T.T.. y muz choose now it worked up again.. luckily its juz a short while.. or i'll be on the floor rolling... den while running my leg still ok.. its onli at the end it started to hurt.. den when i finish.. gastric pain again.. haizz.. den my leg.. so pain.. den oso didn't win anything.. so DISAPPOINTING!! well asked luther for the muscle cramp ointment.. it didn't work anyway.. lol.. den when walking to the bus stop.. my right leg go numb.. T.T couldn't walk.. was dragging my feet here n there.. den go watch movie.. x-men3.. was touching.. cool.. alot of special effects.. its really nice.. but its a pity tat jean grey n cyclops had to die.. didn't know jean grey so powerful de.. lol.. well.. den wanted to go play lan.. but can't go in... den go eat dinner.. no appeitie so watched my frenz eat.. den when i got home.. i went to bathe n sleep.. so tired.. till about 9 den i woke up.. hahaha.. now can't sleep.. sianzz.. tml parent meeting oso.. wonder wat my father will do.. he hate this things..gonna cut my hair.. so long.. ><

Haizz... juz rotting away..

2006-05-23T23:30:00.000+08:00

hai... sianzz.. still kinda sick... it started from thurs.. started from a minor flu... to sore throat.. den slight fever on fri.. yesterday had a really bad headache... so i went to sleep early.. at about 8? lol.. hai.. today still having slight headache.. come home.. more problem come.. my bro donno download wat thing.. den cannot delete.. he told me he went to copy the file... den compressed the file.. all the crap.. now i can't even redownload to overwrite it.. i guess reformat is the onli solution now.. hai.. can't find the time to do all this things.. i have to redownload so many things after tat.. so troublesome.. hai.. no choice.. i'm the onli one who can clear all this mess up anyway.. no one in the house knows how to do this...

hai.. still have to convince my father to at least step into the sch for this one day called parent meeting session.. my grandma went back to malaysia.. hai.. stupid problem caused it all... teacher oso complaining why my father don want to come all this things.. sianzzz.. den wats his reaction gonna be when he sees my results.. hai.. forever the same.. nver convinced with wat results i get.. no matter a1 or a2.. his expectation so high for a stupid son of his.. hai.. he oso know i'm not smart.. he's the one who calls me stupid from the start anyway.. yet he wants such gd results.. hai.. got to start studying soon.. i need to get well faster..

yesterday.. singing competition.. well.. was kinda confident tat ivan would get 1st this year when the lower sec started singing.. his singing was gd.. didn't know so many sec 4 can sing.. lol.. well.. he got 2nd.. not bad anyway.. i'm still proud of him.. 2nd is already gd.. well.. he didn't have time to prepare for it.. teacher oso told us like 1 week b4 the competition.. n ivan knew it 5 days b4 it.. hai..

den juz now.. another debate about why am i depressed.. well.. i oso donno why am i depressed nowadays.. juz the feeling on n off everytime.. well... i ruin ppl's happy atmosphere? hai.. i guess tats why ppl around me feel depress as well.. hai.. anyway.. tml photo taking.. have to smile.. at least a small one.. but its erm.. 10.20? during pe lesson.. -_- we'll look so tired n sweaty.. lol.. last photo as a whole class.. hope next year will be the same ppl taking the photo as well... hai.. same class for 4 years... n we've not been together like wat we were in sec 1.. well.. ppl change.. hope towards the end of the year we'll be closer den wat we are now..

All this have to stop...

2006-05-22T00:42:00.000+08:00

hai... sianzz.. feeling weird.. tml sch again.. holiday faster come!! don want to go to sch.. .hai... but holiday still have remedial...

juz being me..

2006-05-20T23:42:00.000+08:00

hai.. after talking about my past.. i remembered the sorrows i had when i was young.. feeling so depressed.. den the urge has surface again.. this time i want to grab the knife n stab it deep into my wrist.. hai.. everyone loves their childhood time.. yet i'm here hating my past.. n wants to forget everything about it.... those memories.. onli have arguments.. crying sounds.. shouting.. screaming.. silence and loneliness.. the cold stern looks on everyone's faces.. n i'm in the middle.. listening to everything.. i nver liked being at home where all this memories linger.. at home.. forever feeling so lonely.. all my happy moments have been erased by all the nightmares... wat else do i have?

wat can i do... is there a solution somewhere out there.... ??

2006-05-20T21:22:00.000+08:00

Hai.. i guess i've gone overboard again?? i doubt its ur true feelings tat u're showing me.. i oso donno anything about u.. i don even know wats goin on in ppl's life anymore.. hai.. why do i have to care so much.. maybe i'm juz not trusted.. well.. i guess i juz have to accept the fact.. its not my business.. why do i have to poke my nose into everything.. why do i want to help others feel happier n not feel wat i feel in the past.. hai.. i'll juz have to stop being so helpful den.. i guess on this world helpful isn't useful anymore.. being used is a more correct term.. hai.. nvm.. saying all this things.. it ain't goin to help n solve anything.. i juz feel lonely n have nothing to do.. no one knows wat happened in my past.. onli one.. at least she understand how i feel.. juz told her about it.. hai.. now feel so depressed.. will i ever break out of this...

Next time.. i'll hold myself back whenever ppl are sad..

2006-05-19T23:53:00.000+08:00

Hai... useless useless me... seeing u like this and i can't do anything.. wat kind of fren am i.. hai... i guess i juz have to let others to do the cheering den.. n i shall step back n out of ppl's life.. hai.. feel so useless everywhere.. i'm juz a burden.. juz a depressed self cutting burden.. hai... wat to do..

A Useless fren... me...

2006-05-18T21:21:00.000+08:00

today... a basketball match.. 4/7 vs 3/6 n 3/7.. well.. first quarter n we're losing.. lol.. 12-8 think.. den i n andrew decided to play.. haha... i was getting excited.. first time i feel excited about a match.. basketball match!! hahaha.. well.. den finally we were catching up to them.. den blisters start to appear on my foot.. hai.. den my injury seem to be affecting me.. lol.. well.. still continued to play.. den after everything we won.. erm.. 50-20... den i sat down with a bunch of ppl to talk n rest.. den i felt a bit pain in my blister n decide to stand up.. ck very nice to help my press my blister.. den i have to hop all the way to a chair to check on my blister.. well.. took off my socks.. expected to see blood on my socks.. but i didn't .. instead i see blood in my blister.. T.T hai.... now juz hopping around.. so pain.. want to cut it.. but i donno where to cut.. hahaha.. my blister too flat le.. so i don dare to cut.. with a rusty penknife oso.. so i left it alone... hai.. wear slippers or not to wear slippers... tat is the qn.. hahaa..

2006-05-17T00:12:00.000+08:00

hai... juz to say.. theres juz some things tat i can't forgive myself.. not setbacks tat i am worrying about.. hai.. things i've done.. its juz unforgivable.. even though the person has accepted my apology.. but i feel tat i've apologise too much to tat person.. tat person being open hearted juz accepted it.. hai.. me? done more disappointment.. hai.. other den tat.. i've juz have done mroe things to the person tat have made me regret n remorse about.. i don wish to say it... and family is juz too hard to maintain.. now theres war between my dad n grandma.. n i'm in between it.. i wanna get out of here.. get out of the house.. don want to listen to them arguing.. don want to hear their complains.. its none of my business.. why can't u two juz sit down n talk about it. why am i being a part of it when i've done nothing.. stop trying to buy me over using gd deeds n sweet words... i've had enough.. this is not my problem!!

2006-05-16T21:39:00.000+08:00

well.. shld start posting something le.. so long nver post... hai.. so many days got so many things happening.. hahaha.. lazy to list.. but found out i get depressed once in a while for nothing.. hai.. so why is this happening? i've got over her... exams are over.. i oso don care about results.. i'm gonna have a sister soon.. n yet i'm still so depressed.. hai... wats wrong with me.. hai...

well.. today went out with n huge bunch of ppl.. not tat huge lah.. 8.. excluding me.. well.. nver talked much with them.. at westmall still fine.. went bowling n talked a bit.. onli moments after tat... dark clouds seem to came in.. i feel depressed.. wat reason.. i do not know.... after bowling went to orchard.. well.. still very upset.. wasn't sure why.. well.. ppl think i went MIA.. i thought they saw me goin up.. well.. nvm..den i juz walk with them all over orchard lor.. juz looking at things.. see ppl walk past.. hai.. nver talked much.. juz feel leftout.. or nothing to say.. hai.. nvm.. all this sadness is i brought it upon myself anyway.. i shldn't have so much hope at the beginning.. den the disappointment would not have hit me tat hard.. hai.. i juz can't put down everything n think positively now..

hai.. sighing is all i can do...

2006-05-10T23:29:00.000+08:00

hai... we were once very gd frenz.. we talked like there was no tml.. nver ending.. but my stupid mistake, we argued everytime we talked. it den made us strangers.. but someone went to put in the effort to help us to get back together again. this time we talked cautiously.. choosing every topic carefully. afraid history might juz repeat. it didn't. but we seldom talked as there was scars n too much caution was taken. we became strangers once again....

So empty.... so many things unaccomplished.. so many disappoints from me..

2006-05-10T00:10:00.000+08:00

hai... exam over sonn..... oso gd.. not feeling too gd this days.. so tensed up..

sianzzz..

Pity myself...

2006-05-03T22:36:00.000+08:00

sianzzz.... today wanted to study.. hai... couldn't study.. first time want to study.. den suddenly gastric pain -_- wonder why.. i oso eat le.. hai... den went to je to eat ice kacang..hai.. den went back to library.. still can't study.. don feel like it.. lol.. well.. den wanted to study.. den clara come.. -_- worst.. lol.. can't even study le.. den end up talking... talk till about 5 plus.. they went home.. well.. we oso lazy to study le.. so decided to go for night study.. went to kopitiam to eat.. but don feel like eating.. hai.. den rib pain (Oo) hai... well.. go for night study.. read den headache -_- at least i know how to do statistic le.. hahaha.. gd luck everyone for tml's test.. hai... so tired of studying le..

2006-04-30T19:45:00.000+08:00

i hate myself.. don feel the love for myself anymore..

promises i broke, frenz i've hurt, how stuck up i am..

i've promise to forget u, let go, live on, treat u as a fren.. i guess i've broke tat promise.. now i even want to try n jio u? wat fucking authority do i have to do tat? giving myself fake hopes... fake dreams tat i can't accomplish.. i'm juz some incompetent fool.. now i juz feel i'm juz another irritating bastard lingering around u.. fuck it.. believing my frenz tat this is a gd time to show tat how important she is to me.. i'm so naive.. so stupid to believe such things.. to think i could actually help her.. i'm such a fool.. i'm juz making matters worst.. other ppl oso want to be single.. why am i here trying to break tat?? wat the fuck am i thinking?!?! who the hell i am to her anyway.. i'm juz nothing in her eyes.. how can i compare to all the suitors tat she have?? wat i have to compare with others?? i juz suck too much to even be her fren.. i don deserve anything.. i don deserve her..

today my father juz wanted me to stop using the computer.. wat kind of person am i to show him attitude.. fuck lah.. i don deserve a family.. i don deserve to belong here.. belong on this place.. i don deserve to have any frenz.. i don deserve anything...

don feel like eating dinner anymore.. don care if i'm gonna have gastric pain later.. so pissed off with myself..

Feel like locking the door n throwing away the key.. n don let anyone to come into my life anymore..

2006-04-30T19:27:00.001+08:00

i hate myself.. don feel the love for myself anymore..

promises i broke, frenz i've hurt, how stuck up i am..

i've promise to forget u, let go, live on, treat u as a fren.. i guess i've broke tat promise.. now i even want to try n jio u? wat fucking authority do i have to do tat? giving myself fake hopes... fake dreams tat i can't accomplish.. i'm juz some incompetent fool.. now i juz feel i'm juz another irritating bastard lingering around u.. fuck it.. believing my frenz tat this is a gd time to show tat how important she is to me.. i'm so naive.. so stupid to believe such things.. to think i could actually help her.. i'm such a fool.. i'm juz making matters worst.. other ppl oso want to be single.. why am i here trying to break tat?? wat the fuck am i thinking?!?! who the hell i am to her anyway.. i'm juz nothing in her eyes.. how can i compare to all the suitors tat she have?? wat i have to compare with others?? i juz suck too much to even be her fren.. i don deserve anything.. i don deserve her..

today my father juz wanted me to stop using the computer.. wat kind of person am i to show him attitude.. fuck lah.. i don deserve a family.. i don deserve to belong here.. belong on this place..

don feel like eating dinner anymore.. don care if i'm gonna have gastric pain later.. so pissed off with myself..

Feel like locking the door n throwing away the key.. n don let anyone to come into my life anymore..

2006-04-30T19:27:00.000+08:00

i hate myself.. don feel the love for myself anymore..

promises i broke, frenz i've hurt, how stuck up i am..

i've promise to forget u, let go, live on, treat u as a fren.. i guess i've broke tat promise.. now i even want to try n jio u? wat fucking authority do i have to do tat? giving myself fake hopes... fake dreams tat i can't accomplish.. i'm juz some incompetent fool.. now i juz feel i'm juz another irritating bastard lingering around u.. fuck it.. believing my frenz tat this is a gd time to show tat how important she is to me.. i'm so naive.. so stupid to believe such things.. to think i could actually help her.. i'm such a fool.. i'm juz making matters worst.. other ppl oso want to be single.. why am i here trying to break tat?? wat the fuck am i thinking?!?! who the hell i am to her anyway.. i'm juz nothing in her eyes.. how can i compare to all the suitors tat she have?? wat i have to compare with others?? i juz suck too much to even be her fren.. i don deserve anything.. i don deserve her..

today my father juz wanted me to stop using the computer.. wat kind of person am i to show him attitude.. fuck lah.. i don deserve a family.. i don deserve to belong here.. belong on this place..

don feel like eating dinner anymore.. don care if i'm gonna have gastric pain later.. so pissed off with myself..

Feel like locking the door n throwing away the key.. n don let anyone to come into my life anymore..

2006-04-27T23:46:00.000+08:00

hai... so stress.. so many things in my mind.. juz wanna get rid of them all at once!! but i can't.. its like wat gary cheng says... 2 choices.. 1st solve it or 2nd avoid it.. but he says tat if u avoid it.. its juz gonna be there.. n like this i'm juz torturing myself.. hai.. but i don feel tortured anyway.. i feel fine. lol. well.. he asked me to get a gf -_- tats the funny part.. but he says i'm gonna be happier with one.. lol. i doubt i'm gonna be. don say too far.. will i even find one? well.. pretty glad about my common test results. lol. math 31/38, chem 17/20, physics 11/20.. (shld have done betta).. working forward for my reward!!! hahaha!! u promise me one hor.. i'll get it! have to get b3 for erm.. math, geog, chem n physics for tat reward.. hahaha.. i'm gonna make it alright! prepare tat reward.. hahaha. at least got some motivation for me to do well ^^ thx.. mum.. lol.

hai... its so stresss... so so so stress... wonder how ppl really feel about each other.. hai...

Found my reason to live.. tat is to protect u..

2006-04-23T00:41:00.000+08:00

hai... today.. night time.. so much things happened..

gastric pain.. well it comes once after a long time.. didn't expect it today.. it isn't like the normal ones i had.. its a very sharp pain tat juz weakens u.. it happened at about 9.30 when all of the ppl in the house was asleep.. couldn't call anyone to help me make food to eat.. so i push myself to drink as much water i can.. it made it worst.. den i juz lie on the floor.. n wait for it to go away.. ate some biscuits to help it.. it did help.. but after a while it juz comes back... now its on n off.. comes n goes.. wonder how am i gonna sleep tonight... i guess i have to endure the pain.. this is the longest one i had.. for more den 3 hours... i hope it won't turn out like the last time.. i have to vomit juz to cure it.. vomit still ok.. but nothing come out.. tats the worst.. its like u r juz trying to turn ur stomach inside out.. this pain... its juz ... can't be decribed..

hai... truth.. lies... i guess its juz wat to expect from everyone... how to differentiate between lies n truth... i guess is juz how much the person can be trusted...

2006-04-20T00:21:00.000+08:00

hai... today.. so much pain.. 1st.. headache.. it got betta.. den gastric pain come.. not long after tat.. my heart area start to hurt.. den my lung area.. wat is wrong with me?? even now typing this my heart area still pain.. hai.. hope it gets betta tml...

was reading n studying things about depression.. well.. want to help jiang hao.. or maybe myself to feel betta.. anyway.. reading everything.. in the end it juz says tat.. the patient himself have to open to the help tat is given to him... hai.. donno if he wants to be helped or not.. reading about all this things tells me how scary depression is.. lol.. so many things can come after depression. n its difficult to cure somemore.. so how? well.. .they said tat ppl suffering from depression can't juz snap out of it at anytime.. but they can feel betta everyday.. so lets juz wait n see the results.. hai..

den in sch.. i hate todays pc lesson.. -_- lol.. coz its something linked to me. anyway.. hope no one tells her about it.. i think gary cheng knows about it. well... he saw it with his own eyes.. hai.. so many things happening to the class.. wat to do?

2006-04-12T01:03:00.000+08:00

so long nver post le.. hahaha.. nothing to write..

Hai... today.. donno wats wrong with me.. so pissed off with everything.. making matters worst.. someone made it worst.. want to kill tat person! well.. can't be helped. soft-heartedness took over. can't lift my fingers. i guess this is me.. anyway.. luckily i nver did punch him. lol. found out it was all caused by his childishness. dumb guy.. trying not to think too much..

juz now was studying~! lol. miracle? some might say it. i had nothing to do. forgot bring my hw home. lol. accidentally put under my desk with all my other worksheets. hahaha. stupid me. wat to expect from a blur king? held a book in my hand n still ask where is tat book -_-

hai... it had stopped for 2 months! den the pain came back. n happening more frequently. wats wrong with me?!?! my heart.. or juz the muscle? hai... hope i'm fine. =) finally got over the past me n this happens.. hai..

2006-04-06T02:03:00.000+08:00

To clara: i will try to be more happy =) thx for ur support... donno i'll disappoint u or.... anyway.. see u happy is enough for me le.. ^^ stay cheerful always =)

today 2.4km run... hai.. had muscle cramp couple of days b4.. today still pain.. thought it was fine after some stretching.. during the run it was fine though.. felt like i was flying.. very long nver run till so relax.. was juz thinking of completing the 2.4km with all my energy.. completed in 11.45min.. not bad.. improved 3min from my trial run.. but after tat.. my injury got worst.. couldn't walk properly.. hope it'll be fine tml..

so sleepy.. yet so much hw to do.. stress..!! muz persevere!!

2006-03-30T21:57:00.000+08:00

hai.. today woke up late.. at around 7? den rush down to take the bus.. wonder why i nver took the taxi.. nvm.. anyway i reached sch in time..

well.. today still quite alot of free periods.. sianzz.. nothing to do.. sms oso no one reply.. hai.. nvm den.. i sleep thru all the free periods.. hai.. den math.. at least teacher got come. got recap on some of the sec 3 work. well.. i do remember my sec 3 work.. at least some. at least betta den not remembering any.

hai.. who can i depend on to help me? don feel like getting any help. feeling fine as i am now.. i got weird meh? can't see it.. hai.. still got so much hw to do.. i guess its another sleepless night for me.. don feel like goin ncc tml. don like the feeling of having nothing to do. my mind juz wanders everywhere n i start to think of the past. i want to have nothing to do with the past. i juz want to leave it behind n nver let it surface anymore.

Living in sorrows n regrets....

2006-03-30T00:54:00.001+08:00

Blood flowing out from my wounds.. numbing my pain... feels so much like tears flowing out my eyes... i swear n swear over n over again. but i can't do it....

Forever darkness..

2006-03-30T00:54:00.000+08:00

Blood flowing out from my wounds.. numbing my pain... feels so much like tears flowing out my eyes... i swear n swear over n over again. but i can't do it....

Forever darkness..

2006-03-29T22:49:00.000+08:00

today.. sch started at 9.. wanted to pon sch.. but my father called n force me to go.. hai.. nvm.. go there.. having chest pains again.. so pain.. still have pe.. hoping it would be fine i went for it.. but it got worst.. hai..

den went for mt.. she came but she need to see parent.. so free period.. lol.. i was sitting alone at the back.. den arif came n chat.. talk about my problems.. hai.. donno wat to say to him oso.. in the end he suspects me of having depression -_-".. well.. maybe.. maybe not.. i doubt so anyway.. i thought it was over.. den gary cheng want to talk to me.. hai.. more talking.. he said tat i need someone whom i can pour my feelings on.. it doesn't matter if got solution or not.. juz have someone to let me talk to.. he oso said tat if i can't solve the problem.. den i shld let go n forget about it..?? hai.. wasn't in a gd mood for the whole day.. don feel like talking.. after sch have to follow wei jie n qing hao to get mc.. in the end nver take.. den they went to eat.. accompany them.. den talked about my problems AGAIN.. this time really don feel like talking about tat stupid thing aready.. so i juz nod or shake my head.. maybe i shld really find someone to pour my frustrations.. so.. any volunteers who don mind my boring talk??

hai... so many ppl upset today.. well.. try to relax more bah.. don think too much about results.. hope you'll feel betta tml..

so... now juz trying to get the mood to do my hw.. hai.. feel so down.. so so sad...

2006-03-24T21:22:00.000+08:00

cut my life into pieces
this is my last resort
suffocation
no breathing
don't give a fuck if i cut my arm bleeding

This is my last resort

cut my life into pieces
i've reached my last resort
suffocation
no breathing
don't give a fuck if i cut my arm bleeding
do you even care if i die bleeding
would it be wrong
would it be right
if i took my life tonight
chances are that i might
mutilation outta sight
and i'm contemplating suicide

cuz i'm losing my sight
losing my mind
wish somebody would tell me i?m fine
losing my sight
losing my mind
wish somebody would tell me i?m fine

i never realized i was spread too thin
till it was too late
and i was empty within
hungry
feeding on chaos
and living in sin
downward spiral where do i begin
it all started when i lost my mother
no love for myself
and no love for another
searching to find a love up on a higher level
finding nothing but questions and devils

cuz i'm losing my sight
losing my mindwish somebody would tell me in fine
losing my sight
losing my mind
wish somebody would tell me i?m fine
nothing's alright
nothing is fine
i'm running and i'm crying
i'm crying
i'm crying
i'm crying
i'm crying

i can't go on living this way

cut my life into pieces
this is my last resort
suffocation
no breathing
don't give a fuck if i cut my arm bleeding
would it be wrong
would it be right
if i took my life tonight
chances are that i might
mutilation outta sight
and i'm contemplating suicide

cuz i'm losing my sight
losing my mind
wish somebody would tell me i'm fine
losing my sight
losing my mind
wish somebody would tell me i'm fine
nothing's alright
nothing is fine
i'm running and i'm crying

i can't go on living this way
can't go on
living this way
nothing's alright

2006-03-20T21:13:00.000+08:00

hai.... more sad days... juz got scolded by my dad.. showed him my results.. i told him i forget when got test.. he scolded me for my forgetfulness.. he asked me got wat thing i remember anyway.. actually i remember nothing.. i don remember anything from my past.. wats wrong with my brain?!?! darn it.. juz don feel right now.. having weird thoughts again.. more questions popping.. hai... giving myself too much pressure.. tats y i'm oso losing my sleep..

sianzz... mr faizal wants me to wear ncc full u tml... donno he got remember or not.. nvm juz bring for in case.. sianzzz sianzzz sianzzz

anyway.. so many bad things happened together on one day.. hai... hurt my fren's feeling.. frenz hurt my feelings.. wonder wats happening again.. so wats installed for me tml? more damaging stuff? hai... i juz want time to stop for me and let me take a deep breath.. its juz too tiring... seeing all this things happening.. now i juz want to hear ur consoling voice... i miss u.. i really do miss u..

tired of this feeling.. tired of feeling useless...

2006-03-17T23:05:00.000+08:00

Very lazy to blog.. nothing to do much during the holidays.. juz thinking n thinking.. well.. fri went back to malaysia.. nothing much to say.. but it was fun.. eat , play, watch soccer with my uncles n play somemore.. lol. for my bro its for him to make ic.. well.. 1st time talked so much with my cousin.. as in face to face.. i seldom talk to her when i go back de. lol. can't find a way to start a talk. still as useless.. T.T.. well.. she told me i had a gf in malaysia? (O.o) really very shock to hear tat.. lol.. well.. my aunt came. hai~.. den she talked about when i'm 18 where shld i stay? malaysia or singapore? stress again!! in the end she juz use the past to pressure me.. hahaha.. coz i promise her i would stay in malaysia last time. i told her singapore was boring last time. now... hmm.. kinda have the same feeling. hahaha. very difficult to choose T.T.. one is family, one is frenz.. friends can be changed but family can nver be changed.. told my aunt about wanting to go australia for holiday.. she mistaken tat i want to go there to study.. =.= well.. onli 3 day stay there.. not enough sia.. but no choice.. thought have ncc.. wanna go see master parade.. but came back den know holiday no ncc.. shld have chosen to stay there.. hai~... den come back for three days playing basketball.. yesterday oso went to cut my hair with qing hao.. i look weird...hahaha, not used to how i look now..den today relax.. hahaha.. den tml.. not goin for outing.. wanna do hw.. n sleep.. sch starting soon le.. so lazy to go back.. wear uniform.. sianzz... den mid year oso coming.. nvm one step at a time.. so many things to settle.. have to pull myself together 1st.. hai~.. don feel like myself anymore.. feel like i'm someone else.. have to find time to sit down n reflect on myself.. hai~... hai~... hai~...

If i have ever offended u or have ever made u feel tat way.. i'm sorry..

Still lost in the Abyss.....

2006-03-06T23:45:00.000+08:00

hai~... having flu again.. so tired!! finally finished a composition(art).. den talk to david ng.. he say need two drawings.. hai~... now gonna do the second one..

well.. really have to buck up for my studies le.. so irregular.. lol.. sometimes pass well sometimes fail badly.. studying so boring.. today ss.. don even know wat to write.. only on qn which i studied.. den did another qn.. writing totally rubbish..

Hai~.. donno wat to do anymore.. her bro even thinks i'm her best friend.. says tat want to see me when i n her meet.. i sms her she oso hardly reply.. talk to her on msn oso nothing to say.. or one of us will take ages to reply each other.. how to meet? den teacher oso talk about fate. talked about the telepathy crap, but my teacher's explaination is for married couples.den she oso once told me tat the telepathy thing between us is getting lesser n lesser.. tat made me think.. are we really fated to meet? or juz coincidence.. now i really donno how to pour out my frustrations.. joelle's busy.. my weird thoughts are back again.. got the pen knife from timothy.. accidentally cut my finger.. lol. now can't draw properly neither can i write n type.. den go cut another time on my arm.. its been so long since i see my blood aready. sianzz.. den gary cheng saw the wounds.. tml more questions from him aready... hai~.. how to carry on my life like this? we were really once very happy together.. but juz one incident changed everything..now having relationships seems like a sin to me.. liking someone is really tat bad.. or is it juz tat i'm too lousy for others... well.. i guess i shld start by not liking anyone anymore..

To everyone, sorry for being like this.. juz can't help it...

2006-03-01T22:45:00.000+08:00

If i don exist from the start.. will she be a happier person?

Death sentence....

2006-02-26T21:37:00.000+08:00

Sianzz.. slept at 4.. have to wake up at 5.30.. to eat breakfast.. my grandma sick.. so have to eat with my dad instead.. stayed awake for the whole day... lol.. but don have the mood to do hw nor study.. hai~... so now trying to absorb as much as i can.. reading the last chapter which i nver read b4.. hate to read.. have to read a very boring book oso.. hai~.. BORING!! gd luck everyone for tml's common test...

2006-02-26T03:22:00.000+08:00

After Joelle got me n clara talking again.. we did not chat much.. but sms alot after tat when she blamed herself for wat had happened.. Joelle told me to read her blog.. so i did.. it said tat she cried when she sees me upset...feels upset and sad for me.. why must she feel everything tat i feel or feelings tat i can't no longer feel?? i guess this was wat she meant by telepathy.. after reading i felt sorry..then the questions juz keep coming...WHAT HAD I DONE!?!? WHY DOES SHE FELT THIS WAY!?!?! WHY AM I DOIN THIS!?!!WHY?!?! den i read it a few more times to confirm n understand wat the blog actually meant...

I guess it was all my stupidity to blame. I'm sorry, truely very sorry. i guess wat ur frenz said was right.. i'm an asshole. i'm cold to u is becoz i'm juz too stupid to do tat. its becoz i juz can't appeal myself to u.. For all the things i've done in the past to take 'revenge' on u.. i've did so many things to destroy myself, to corrupt myself.. picked up so many weird things.. even wanted to tried smoking but most of my frenz stopped me.. in the end have to bleed to see how much it hurts.. juz seeing the blood dripping.. wondering wat i have done.. n why i have to do it.. so do i hate her? like her? or is it juz in between..My frenz told me to try again.. if u really don like me den i give up.. becoz i was stubborn.. i nver tried.. not even one bit..not even the intention to be ur fren again... really feel like hitting myself to show stupid i feel..or cut myself again to see my blood..haven been doin tat for a long time.. feel like crying but my eyes r so dry.. so... wat shld i do next? continue to be ur fren? or leave u alone? or juz transfer sch so tat u won't see my sickening face anymore.. i am juz too confused to even pick an answer... i guess i'll juz spend the rest of the night to think of it.. n reflect on how shitty i am.. n probably hope tat i'll change.. WHAT AM I NOW?? feel like nothing.. feeling so hopeless.. n no one is there to pull me out of this dark pit.. i'm juz falling into the abyss.. alone and afraid to do anything..

My Heart is aching again.. Why must u cry for me? i thought i was forgotten..

2006-02-25T22:00:00.002+08:00

Well... today.. slept till 11.42.. lol.. slept too late yesterday..brush my teeth have to rush n pay the bills le.. den at 2.15 have to meet joelle to study.. i went home to play game.. den really forget tat i have to meet her(sorry!).. lol.. till 2 den i remember.. had a quick bath n went there.. well.. in the rush.. i forgot to bring Ordinary Magic.. n my calculator..

Got to mac.. lucky she got calculator.. lol.. or else i might as well don go le.. did my math.. hai~.. alot of questions cannot do.. have to get my assessment book for reference le.. did all those i can do den the rest go home do.. did eng.. but got wrong info.. so i decided to throw away wat i did T.T.. my hard work!! so wasted... well.. alot of negative things anyway.. actually totally are negative.. den both of us have to leave at 5.30.. i have to meet my parents to go to JP(jurong point). walked with her to the mrt station den i walk home.. very near my house anyway.. need the exercise.. lol.. no stamina to run aready.. went to JP bought my sch shoes n cd.. n some pen.. lost most of mine.. wonder how.. got home.. on the computer.. went to find the song i love.. lol.. its kinda old. but i love it alot.. lol..its a love song..

Having thoughts of u... which is my deepest fear..

2006-02-23T22:38:00.000+08:00

I shall nver let my feelings or emotions control me.. tats wat i learnt from the booster camp. well.. i want to find tat movie le.. its very interesting.

If u think tat talking to me is so damn difficult. den don talk to me.. i've been trying to figure everything tat u r trying to say. how do i reply when the questions u asked are not complete?... when i ask u'll juz say nothing or nvm.. u think for me its easy to talk to u like tat? don think u r the onli one having problems. finally got wat ppl r trying to get to me. i won't let all the stupid problems get to me. my main concentration now is the N levels. i'm oso having problems with friendship now. u think i give a damn? stupid ppl who gets jealous over stupid stuff.. i oso know ppl are gossiping behind my back over her. well.. do i give a damn about tat too? well.. will feel angry a while..but i juz suppress everything n keep quiet. i guess the best way to live my life is to juz don give a damn about everything n to suppress all my feelings. i shall not say anymore.. the rest are for me to know.. n not for u to find out.

This feelings juz won't fade.. i know i ought to forget u.. i promised u tat... i gave u my word. but i juz can't do it. everytime i see u.. this kind of feelings juz keep coming back! Gotta do it.. n i'm gonna do it the hard way..

Feeling low...

2006-02-21T01:43:00.000+08:00

Today after sch..goin to imm with wei jie n timothy.. didn't went to study.. lol.. have a break kinda thing.. joelle oso went out with her frenz.. so nvm lor.. but 1st went to mac to meet jiang hao.. instead of seeing him.. we saw ck.. nver ask us to go along.. like tat lor..

Went to imm.. lucky jiang hao left early.. cause got into unnecessary trouble with the security guards as other ppl from commonwealth playing catching in imm?!!?? security guard gonna call sch.. the security guard's attitude really suck.. nver check properly anyhow scold.. idiot.. he thinks every ppl in same uniform will play.. big sucker.. he even ask us to leave.. fine.. we did leave tat place.. go to other storeys.. lol.. but left.. found out nothing to do le.. find such a gd deserted place to chat den get disrupted.. in the end went to the void deck.. wonder wat will happen tml after today's incident.

2006-02-19T21:54:00.000+08:00

Sianzz... yesterday sleep too late at about 3am.. lol.. den wake up at 5.30.... ate my breakfast.. den had a very bad headache!! tried to went back to sleep.. but the pain kept me awake.. but it got betta after some time.. den at about 12 i start doin my hw.. till now haven finish.. lol.. still rushing.. still have alot more hw to go.. hai~... gd luck to me den.. gonna sleep late again..

Had an unnecessary argument yesterday.. tats y sleep late.. stupid argument over a girl!?!?! do i spend alot of time with her?!?! i onli went out with her twice for goodness sake.. n here u are complaining me spending too much time on her.. the 2nd time u were there as well.. why the hell u want to control my life so much?? can't i go out with the ppl i choose?she's my good fren can't i hang out with her?? U even want me to stop sms-ing her!??! who r u ?!?! my mum?! my dad?!? u even said tat i shld not reject outings from u?!?! wat the hell... can't i even have a choice?? do i have to ask permission from u for everything i do?? i hate this kind of feeling of being controlled by other ppl alright.. it makes me feel as if i can't take care of myself.. i'm not a kid i know how to think! den why do i have a brain?

U have took Away my Freedom......

2006-02-18T23:29:00.000+08:00

Well.. today very tiring day..woke up at 10.46.. ate medicine and sleep again at 12 plus..den woke up to find out joelle wants to cancel the study plan.. lol.. den i told her nvm as she was sleepy n had to take care of a sick bro.. so i went to eat my lunch den medicine again.. in the end lie down on the sofa n sleep.. so.. today.. did none of my hw n done nothing..

2006-02-15T17:37:00.001+08:00

Hai~... sick again.. this time vomit.. waiting for my hw to be delivered here.. lol. today so boring.. staying at home..spent my day sms-ing and playing games.. den went to do art.. did 3 drawings somemore. lol. later gonna start on eng. sorry joelle, i was sick again den nver go study with u.. lol.Gd thing is donnit to wear NCC full u. tml donno have to attend art remedial or not.. hope not. tired of art remedial aready. so boring.. i got nothing to draw aready. see u all tml den.. muz take care of myself betta.. lol.. this month three mc aready..

2006-02-06T23:20:00.000+08:00

Well.. after knowing i had lung infection.. i went to read up about it.. a bit onli.. today den really go n find.. found a website.. talking about the symptoms.. still donno which one i got.. don dare to ask my father...after reading found out got two are similar to my symptoms and its 9 are similar out of ten.. the other one is 6 are similar out of 7.. so which one??.. its really kinda scary reading all of this.. den a thought came.. will i be waking up to breathe the fresh air tml? some of u will be thinking.. y is he making up his mind or decides on himself without doctor's consultation.. well.. its juz to confirm myself if i'm still having it.. lets juz wait n see.. gdnight..

Frenz 4va

2006-02-04T23:49:00.000+08:00

FINALLY I GOT A NEW PHONE!! it really has a satisfactory feeling when u use ur money to buy it... lol.. have been saving for very long... couple of months.. well... today oso nothing much to do de... onli went to ck's house to do project.. den i nver get to do anything.. its like wei jie go enough le.. he keep hogging the computer... LoL.. so i went to explore Ck's house.. At 3++ they went to study.. i nver expect they want to go without completing the project.. well.. for me anything de lah.. so i went home lor.. lazy to study.. lol..

2006-01-29T22:22:00.000+08:00

Sianzz... today is such a boring day... ate vegetables for the full day... hai~... not filling.. after a while will get hungry...

well.. yesterday... packed n clean up the house... took a long time as my room was very very untidy.. alot of books tat i didn't even know they were there... hahaha.... den while cleaning up.. my father n i somehow chat about the past.. den i said about i remembered about me goin to the hospital... he told me tat time i had lung infection... minor though..maybe tat explains the pain in my chest sometimes...

den on friday... the chinese new year celebration in sch sucked.. it was the same as last year.. onli shorter... so boring... den after sch... went to mac with miss shyam n a few frenz.. very long nver talk to miss shyam aready... den went home.. used the computer for 30min my father ask me to off it... so i went to sleep..

2006-01-19T22:28:00.000+08:00

Well... its two days since the adam khoo workshop... its nice.. n humourous... i love it.. 1st day was all about jokes n introduction about themselves... the rest is for u all to find out... LoL...

Then 2nd day... it was the same... till gary came.. he speaked in quite a serious tone.. wondering wat happened.. but heck lah.. den he speak of something about parents.. alot of ppl cried... but its a miracle tat i can still sleep.. lol.... den it was the crying sounds tat woke me up... i was so stupid to tell wei jie my fingers were numbed... -_-"

well... very excited about tml...!! wanna see wat will they say... it was very motivational... it brought back alot of confidence...

wondering wat the sec 3s doin now.....??? hmmm.............
den sec 2s??? nvm.. i oso donno wat they do in nyaa oso...

2006-01-17T19:23:00.001+08:00

Wow... the year started well with everyone talking to each other alot.. probably becoz of the holiday.... mine started as normal as any day... i'm satisfied with it aready...

Den on 12/1 is my birthday... well... very glad tat there are ppl who rememebers my birthday... this year is oso the 1st time recieving presents from friends..thanks everyone... well.. they shldn't have bought me any presents.. as they are aready my presents.. glad to have them as friends...

So... today... lets see... nothing much though... well..recieved a late birthday present from joelle.. if u really can't get a present den nvm de.. i really don mind.. feel tat i am stingy... lol cause ppl's birthday i nver buy anything de... everytime feel like buying but donno wat to buy... den eng... i hate wat mrs terrence said... said about other ppl who r disabled.... den say tat none of us are... still say know us very well... she doesn't even know anything... i hate ppl who thinks tat he/she know others very well... it sucks...

After sch... went out to talk... it was a very "meaningful" talk... i really "love" it... feel so useless... can't even protect myself what fucking reason do i have to try n protect others... stop saying other ppl gay... i know his actions are disgusting or u juz can't stand it... juz tell him... n freaking stop dragging me into the picture.. what the fuck did i do??? do you think i'm so fucking happy about it? wat do you think i can do?? whack him? i did tell him to stop alright... i don wanna use violence against him... it doesn't help....i made a promise to someone tat i'll nver resort to violence...but broke it once.... i'll never break tat again...

2006-01-03T22:36:00.000+08:00

Today is the 1st day of sch.... still in holiday mood... so don feel like studying... i haven even touched my holiday hw... but today 1st day... whose gonna start lessons anyway... well... the day starts with me late for meeting wei jie at the bus stop.. den nver meet ck... so juz go to sch n find him... well... found him in canteen with su maw.. den they expect two ppl whom r kinda cock eye to see them.. lol... i nver wear specs..

Den settling down at the parade square.... everyone from everywhere juz keep standing at 4/7 class... so i can't find a spot to sit... so juz stood n watch ppl clear from the spot... it took quite a while... as normal need ppl to ask them faster sit down at their own class... after the everything (lazy to list) went to the hall for the talk from mrs teo... it was so long!!!!!! my leg hurts... my back as well.. when the talk was finally over i couldn't bearly walk up to class... my leg was so weak...

My class had to split as well... tats the bad part... sianzz... wei jie n Qing Hao went to 4/7B... now stuck with Ck n Ivan.. both are kinda nuts sometimes... lol... very irregular de... comes anytime... after sch went to find pants to buy... well $20 each... not bad lah.. cheaper den sch... den went to cut my hair.. but changed my decision last minute... waited too long... so went around with wei jie... had a very long talk with him... it was till 5 tat they finally finished... ate dinner at JEC den went home... n one more thing... timothy... poured curry over the ice kacang tat ck doesn't want anymore... den we laughed at every timothy did n said... really had a great laugh this time.. long time nver had it aready...

2005-12-21T14:51:00.000+08:00

Yesterday finally can go out to watch movie... watched King Kong.. nice show... starting kinda confuse me... becoz the characters juz come n go.. their speech oso not clear de... but its touching... n some parts r funny..

Den today.. wake up at 9++.. went to pay the phone bills n came home at 10.15am to play medal of honor... n maple is down from 9.30am to 1.30pm, so sorry joelle can't get for u the mark of beta le.. well... anyway during the 4 hours... i went to MOD medal of honor!... i finally succeeded!! after so many tries last time... this time got tutorial =).. but it is not for Zip file.. so i'll have to go crack tat again... after 1hour... i finally cracked it... so my medal of honor game is now very fun!.. got new guns.. blood effect... freeze tag... etc... hahaha...

2005-12-19T13:33:00.000+08:00

Yesterday fell ill... so i nver write a new post.. well... it started with a sore throat.. den came a bad cold.. so in the morning played medal of honor den went to sleep in the afternoon..

Today wake up.. luckily my cold is gone.. juz the sore throat.. den found out ck can't play maple, i hate training alone in maple... den i went to play medal of honor again... its a great game.. played with some beginners.. den toyed with them abit.. its fun doin tat to beginners..now juz chatting with ppl on msn... nothing to do...

2005-12-16T18:58:00.000+08:00

sianzz... yesterday cannot go out watch movie with wj they all... so they have to pospone it to next week... so yesterday i spent my whole day sleeping.......

den today morning... woke up at 9 to play medal of honor.. den trained with ck in maple at 11 till late afternoon.. after tat juz went to chat on msn awhile den go back to play medal of honor...

2005-12-14T16:43:00.000+08:00

Sian leh... now holiday have nothing to do... no games to play leh... have any games to introduce??

Yesterday can't sleep... My past keep haunting me... this isn't the 1st time anyway... so at 12 plus.. i msg ck... hahaha... luckily he's awake... he chat with me till 2 plus... thx to him i can clear my thoughts... den after tat he went to sleep aready.. but i still can't sleep.. wait till 5plus... den got light! i thought was my handphone.. but found out tat my father woke up aready... n its 6, i still can't get some sleep.. after tat i juz used the computer.... den played medal of honor till maple update finish n train with ck... actually juz leech him... hahaha... very lazy to train but still have lah... abit.. tats all for today bah... oso got nothing much to do everyday de... juz hope tml can go out to watch movie with wei jie they all....

2005-12-08T12:57:00.000+08:00

Juz made the Blog today... And made it myself.. 1st time.. lol... so might be lousy... forgive me...

Well... came back yesterday from chalet... Very nice one organised by Wei jie... Muz thank him leh... hahaha...

Well although chalet is to play outdoors, ours is mostly indoors... its becoz of the Xbox... everyone is hogging the Xbox... wonder y... well i'm one of them as well... so our 1st day there is mostly playing Xbox... den at night ppl play Xbox like there is no tml.. but i n timothy have to prepare n marinade the chicken wings... -_-

Den 2nd day... we woke up very late... becoz u know... playing Xbox.. den as we shitfted the bed.. the bed blocked the cupboard... so some ppl couldn't get their toothbrush... Luckily my bag is outside... after tat we all went to the beach.. actually i don plan to get wet... but becoz of the water bombs n ppl standing near the water... i got wet... well.. i had fun anyway... den had to go back to chalet to prepare the BBQ... Now ppl start gathering around the BBQ pit.. to get food... but i got the 1st chicken wing tat i made myself... hahaha... taste great... but not cooked enough... ms shyam came.. but she stayed in the room with andrew.. the best thing is tat we get to drink beer... hahaha.... n ppl got drunk... den no one eat.. den quite a few extra food left... den andrew said he'll eat them... donno if he did eat or not... i was aready asleep.. den wake up at 3.30am to watch soccer.. while waiting for it to start.. i went to made a bottle of syrup for myself.. too sweet... hahaha put too little water.. well.. i was very thirst anyway... den i watch 30min of the match n fell asleep again..

The last day of the chalet didn't last long as we woke up at 9++... so we juz brush our teeth pack up n leave... a few of us went to eat lunch... den went straight home after tat... when i got home, i slept the whole day...